The Pet Husband® and the Hero

Here I am, the Pet Husband® with the world's most famous Dick. We're at the Toy Fair and we're having a blast!

I'm playing with a Shockini, a mini action figure from Shocker Toys LLP.

Thought you'd like to see us together.

By the way, neither of us are wearing tights.

The Pet Husband® does MADAME Alexander®

Here I am, the Pet Husband®, at the very swanky MADAME Alexander® booth at the American International TOY FAIR in NYC. I'm dressed up like the madam herself - in one of her very own couture-designed hats.

MADAME Alexander® makes elegant dolls like Cissy and Lady Godiva and even a whole series of First Ladies and beautiful baby dolls. She makes lots of dolls, but she definitely don't make me. No, baby, she don't make me.

And, hey, if you're wanting a super-swanky birthday party, the madame will do it for you. You bring along a few friends, step right into the madame's parlour, and you will have the time of your life.

Just don't bring me, oh no, cause the madame don't make the Pet Husband®. No, baby, she don't make me.

The Pet Husband ® does the Beach (naked!)

Here I am - the Pet Husband ® - at the Beach.

I'm in Duxbury, Massachusetts.

I'm at the beach...and I'm not wearing any clothes.

All I'm wearing is a GREAT BIG SMILE.

Heh-heh-heh!

The Pet Husband ® celebrates FATHER'S DAY

So here I am - the PET HUSBAND ® - in Central Park.

I'm celebrating FATHER'S DAY.

I'm reading a book. The book is about training your new Pet Husband®.

You can get one, too.

It's FREE!....with the purchase of a Pet Husband@.

Such a Deal!

The Pet Husband ® goes to SCHOOL

Here I am - the Pet Husband® - in school! The school is sponsored by SCORE® "Counselors to America's Small Businesses". I'm learning about WEB MARKETING.

My teacher, Melissa Ward, is very nice. She's going to help me!

She thinks I'm cute.

She will teach me a lot.

She can teach you a lot, too.

Wanna see how nice she is? Visit her at: www.newward.com

I'm going to behave very, very well. Heh-heh-heh!

The Pet Husband ® at the Jumeirah Beach in DUBAI

It's my last day in Dubai.

I'm at the the Jumeirah beach.
It's very beautiful. It's also very hot.

There are groups of men ogling women in bikinis.
They are fully dressed.
They are "beach pests".
They take photos of women in bathing suits.

I am ogling women at the beach, too.
But, I do not take pictures.
I am a Pet Husband®.
I am very well-trained.

I puff up my biceps and look very strong.
Women look at me.
They smile.
And I smile back.

It's very hot.
And I'm very white.
I could burn.
Oh no!

Dubai,
Bye-bye.

The Pet Husband ® in DUBAI, Part II

So, here I am, the ever-so-slightly sloshed Pet Husband ® at the The Burj Al Arab hotel.

Well, actually, I'm at the restaurant at the top of the hotel.

This hotel is great - and it's discounted. It's only $1,400 US dollars a night - and that includes FREE breakfast and ALL the taxes! Of course, rooms with panoramic views are a bit more. But, they're worth it!

Such a deal!

The Pet Husband Does Dubai

SURPRISE! I'm not in Amster, Amster, dam, dam, dam anymore.

I'm in Dubai.
Dubai is a city AND an Emirate.
It's one of the seven kingdoms of the United Arab Emirates.

There's a dazzling market here. It's the Gold Souk.

I'm in Dubai
(do buy, do buy)
I came to buy
(to buy, to buy))
Something for my Little Wife
For she's the Joy of my Life.

I'll buy her something
Made of Gold
And she'll still love me
When I'm Old -
at least that's what
I've been told.

I'll buy her jewels
and rubies red
She'll even love me
When I'm dead -
at least that's what
the Merchants said.

The Pet Husband® and the Prostitute

Here I am - the Pet Husband ® - on my last day in Amsterdam.

I'm in the Red Light District. There is a very new bronze statue here. It is a statue of a prostitute.

The prostitute is very old. The prostitute is very cold. The prostitute has turned to stone.

Poor old prostitute.

She thought her heart was made of gold.

It's not.

It's made of bronze.

The Pet Husband ® at the BUS STOP in AMSTERDAM

Here I am - the Pet Husband ® - enjoying the view from the Keukenhof Gardens BUS STOP.

Keukenhof Gardens is in Lisse - not too far from Amsterdam (sing it, now, baby: Amster, Amster, dam, dam, dam!...You mustn't say that naughty word...You mustn't say that naughty word...I'm gonna say it anyway...I'm gonna say it anyway...Amster, Amster, DAM,DAM DAM).

By the way, the view from this bus stop is DAM good (get it? Bust top - heh, heh, heh!).I can look down and see lots of women below me. GORGEOUS!

The Keukenhof Gardens are GORGEOUS, too! There are zillions of beautiful tulips and daffodils here. If you want to come here - or visit the website - check out:
http://www.keukenhof.nl/nm/english.html

Dam! I LOVE to travel. If you ever want a travel companion, let me know. Pop me in your pocket and I'll go. I'll behave myself, too. I'm very well-trained. I'm the Pet Husband®.

Love and Kisses,
PH

The PET HUSBAND ® in AMSTERDAM with SHOES

So here I am - the PET HUSBAND ® - surrounded by WOODEN SHOES in AMSTERDAM!

WOODEN SHOES are GREAT for gardening. I can walk all over my garden and not feel a thing:
I can step on a nail,
I can step on a rail
I can even step on a smelly old snail.

I LOVE SHOES! I LOVE SHOES! BIG SHOES, little shoes, soft shoes, wooden shoes.

But, tell me....do these look good on me? Is the color all right?
Can I wear them to the office?
Can I wear them out at night?

If you want to learn more about wooden shoes, you can go to this link:
http://library.thinkquest.org/11318/thinkqGB.html

The PET HUSBAND ® and the Museum of MODERN ART

So, here I am - the Pet Husband ® - in the Museum of Modern Art.

LOOK!

The lady LIKES me!

See her eyes! She is looking RIGHT AT ME .

She recognizes a thing of beauty.

And so do I.

The PET HUSBAND ® and the BEST MOTHER'S DAY GIFT EVER

So here I am - the Pet Husband ® - THINKING and THINKING and THINKING.

I wonder WHAT IS THE BEST MOTHER'S DAY GIFT EVER?

Here is an idea:
I will ask my mother to teach me how to make her favorite recipe - STRAWBERRY-RHUBARB PIE. We will bake together. My mother will be very happy. I will not make a mess in the kitchen. Even my wife will be happy. Then I will be happy, too.

I will take a video of my mother and me cooking. Then I will YouTube it to my brothers and sisters. They will see how good I am. They will see how much Mom loves ME! Heh-heh-heh!

The PET HUSBAND ® and the NYC Street Fair

Here I am - the Pet Husband ® - on Broadway in NYC. I'm at a STREET FAIR.

This booth has FRIED OREOs. YUM.

I like funnel cakes, too.

And ice cream.

And fried twinkies.

Can you tell?

The PET HUSBAND ® and the NYPD

Here I am - the Pet Husband ® - helping the NYPD in Central Park.

We are taking very good care of the city. We are making people smile. We are very well-trained.

NYC and Central Park are fun and beautiful. Come and visit. You will like it.

Would you like to go for a ride in a police car?

Sometimes it is fun. Sometimes it is not.

The PET HUSBAND ® and the INDIGO GIRLS

So here I am - the Pet Husband ® - in New Brunswick, New Jersey at a "Coexistance Day" concert with the INDIGO GIRLS.

Well, I'm not really "with" the INDIGO GIRLS.

I'm actually very, very far away.

I would like to cozy up with them but I'm feeling shy.

The INDIGO GIRLS sang "CLOSER TO FINE". I love that song.

I love the INDIGO GIRLS, too.

But they don't even know I exist.

If you get a chance, would you tell the INDIGO GIRLS the "Pet Husband" said hi.

That would make me very happy.

The PET HUSBAND ® Who COULDN'T RESIST

Here I am - the Pet Husband ® - surrounded by BEAUTY at the Crafts On Columbus market in NYC's Upper West Side.

I HAD to get into the picture.

I mean, wouldn't you?

The PET HUSBAND ® and the FLEA MARKET FUR

Here I am - the Pet Husband ® - at the GREENFLEA MARKET in NYC.

I like looking at junk.

Sometimes I find things I like.

Sometimes I don't.

Now I am wearing a beautiful flea market fur. Do you like fur?

Fur is Politically Incorrect but it is warm and cozy.

I am Politically Incorrect and I am warm and cozy too.

I will tell you a Politically Incorrect secret. It is about the woman in the fur coat.

She is very flat.

The GREENFLEA Market happens every Sunday. It is in NYC on Columbus Avenue between 72nd and 73rd. It helps parents raise money for two public schools in New York City. I am happy for the children who go to this school.

The PET HUSBAND ® and the PARK AVENUE ELEVATOR Man

So, here I am - the Pet Husband ® - being held very nicely by a guy who makes things go up and down.

He's an ELEVATOR man.

I gave him my ELEVATOR PITCH.

I said, "I'm a Pet Husband ®. No noise. No gas. I'm cute, keep my mouth shut, stay where I'm put, and I'm 100% trainable. Wouldn't you like one, too?"

He smiled a VERY big smile.

I think the nice elevator man would like a Pet Husband ® , too.

The PET HUSBAND ® with FLOWERS in CENTRAL PARK

Hi, it's me - the Pet Husband ® - in CENTRAL PARK in NEW YORK CITY.

It is SPRINGTIME. It is BEAUTIFUL.
The flowers here are very nice.

Did you know that flowers can be very dangerous, too?

It's true.

If you pick these flowers, you will be in hot water.

You will be BOILED.

And for someone like me, who looks a little like an egg, it is very bad to be boiled.

Even if you do not look like an egg, it is bad to be boiled.

Do not pick flowers in the park. Not now. Not ever.

The PET HUSBAND® does the DISHES

Here I am - the PET HUSBAND® - doing DISHES!

Oh, we have a lot of dishes. Every day and every night we have dishes. Big dishes, small dishes, large dishes, tall dishes.

It is really quite a chore.

But I don't mind. I like doing dishes.

It makes her very happy. And it makes me very clean.

The PET HUSBAND ® with Flowers and Candy

Here I am - the PET HUSBAND ® that you know and love.

Can you tell it's me? I look a little different in the drawing, but it's me. Honest.

Know why I'm using the drawing today instead of a photograph?

Today I am having trouble with my computer. I need someone to help.

But I don't want to ask for help.

I don't want anyone to think I'm a wimp.

I am not a wimp. I am a very strong and very well-trained Pet Husband.

You don't think I'm a wimp. Or do you?

Advice from the PET HUSBAND®: What to do for MOTHER'S DAY

Here I am - the Pet Husband® - thinking about MOTHER'S DAY. Well, actually, I'm thinking about my wife - not my mother. You know, it's really WIFE'S Day, not Mother's Day.

I want my wife to be happy. I want her to smile. I want her to pet me.

My wife wants to be appreciated. She wants to be pampered and loved. She wants to be understood. And she wants quiet time. I know all this because I am a Pet Husband®.

If I cook and clean and fix breakfast for her on Mother's Day, she will be very happy.

I have a special apron that I wear on Mother's Day and on other times when I want her to be happy. I also have special boxer shorts. You can have them, too. Take a look:

http://www.cafepress.com/pethusband

You can make your wife happy. It's a good thing to do. Trust me. I'm the Pet Husband. I'm trained.

"I LOVE YOU" said the PET HUSBAND®

"I LOVE YOU" "Te amo" "Je t'aime".

This WALL in PARIS has a zillion different languages on it, all saying "I LOVE YOU". The wall is in a park near a METRO that you can take to come - or go - from Montmartre.

I LOVE YOU. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE you.
I am a PET HUSBAND®.
I will NEVER stray.
I will ALWAYS pick up my SOCKS.
I will ALWAYS brush my TEETH, especially before I go to bed.
I will ALWAYS lower the toilet SEAT.
JUST FOR YOU.
I PROMISE.
I LOVE YOU. Je t'aime. Te amo. FOREVER.

Soon we leave PARIS. Get ready for our next adventure.

I LOVE PARIS by the PET HUSBAND®

So here I am - the Pet Husband® - hanging out by the Eiffel Tower. What an erection this is! How proud Monsieur Eiffel must have been. I feel proud just sitting here next to it.

Paris is wonderful, especially in the Spring. Do you know the song, "I LOVE PARIS in the Springtime, I LOVE PARIS in the Fall"? Sing it now, baby...

The PET HUSBAND® asks the GENDARME for DIRECTIONS

Here I am, the Pet Husband®, in Paris with the Gendarme. This had nothing to do with the demonstration I told you about yesterday. Nothing, I promise. Zip. Nada.

Lots of husbands send their wives to ask for directions, but I am VERY well-trained; I always stop and ask for directions. I said, "Ou est le Metro?" I am very good at saying, "Ou est le Metro?". I can also say "Ou est la toilette?" Life is full of questions.

Look! The Gendarme is smiling. I think he LIKES me! He knows that REAL men ask for directions.

Paris is a very nice city. The police here are nice, too. I think they like little white guys.

POLITICAL DEMONSTRATION, PARIS, ELECTIONS and the PET HUSBAND

WOW! Here I am - the PET HUSBAND® - in PARIS. The ELECTION is coming soon and there's a DEMONSTRATION going on! Or, as the French would say, un manifestation.

Banners and flags are flying. People are shouting. Traffic is stopped.

What's this about? Moi, je ne sais pas. Anyway, HERE I AM. I'm "the guy who'll go anywhere!".

VIVE LA FRANCE! VIVE LA FRANCE!

The PET HUSBAND® and the STATUE

Here I am - the Pet Husband® - having a GREAT time hanging out in the park near the Louvre.

The statues here are lifelike and (heh-heh!) this feels wonderful!.

La Paris est fantastique!

We're going to the Orangerie Museum today. It was closed forever for renovations, but it re-opened this year. The Orangerie (L'Orangerie, in French) has paintings by Soutine and Renoir and Matisse and huge Water Lilies by Monet.

I'm not much for museums, but I'll smile and go along for the ride. I am very well-trained.

The Pet HUSBAND® at the MOULIN ROUGE

So here I am - the Pet Husband® - at the famous MOULIN ROUGE, hoping a famous PAINTER will see me and paint his IMPRESSION of me. What do you think I would look like if Monet, Renoir, Degas, Van Gogh or Picasso painted me? I think Van Gogh would do the best job because I don't have ears and he would understand.

Oooh-la-la! If Renoir painted me, I'd be wonderfully handsome! And if Degas painted me, I'd be a dancer. I DO have nice legs.

Did you know that Moulin Rouge means "Red Mill" in English? In the olden days when this part of Paris - called Montmartre - was a humble village, farmers brought grain here to grind it into flour. They don't do that now. The Moulin Rouge doesn't work anymore. And it looks BROWN to me. I think it should be red. I also think it should work like a real "moulin". I like truth-in-advertising.

Did you see the movie "Moulin Rouge"? I liked it. Did you?

The PET HUSBAND® Goes Shopping-and-Dropping On the AVENUE MONTAIGE

Here I am - the Pet Husband® - shopping, shopping, shopping on the AVENUE MONTAIGNE in Paris.

I saw the movie "Avenue Montaigne" and it made me want to come here. I didn't buy anything but it was fun hanging out. Next time you are in Paris, come and stroll on this avenue. There are lots of fancy stores here. It's where the rich-and-famous send their Pet Husbands to shop (ha, ha, ha)

Here's a hint: If you are shopping on the Avenue Montaigne and you need a restroom, try Christie's Auction House. Ooooh-la-la! Les toilettes a Christie's sont magnifique!

Guess what? I shopped 'til I dropped!

By the way, Christie's is auctioning a Wooly Mammoth. It was cool but it scared me so I left quickly - I don't want Christie's to auction me! Well-trained Pet Husbands are VERY valuable!

THE PET HUSBAND® ON LAUNDRY DAY

So, here I am - the Pet Husband® - on Laundry Day. We've been travelling for almost a week now, and there are clothes to wash. I'm good at washing clothes. I plop stuff in the machine, add detergent, sit back and relax. How easy it is to wash the clothes.

I have some problems with the laundry, though. Maybe you have problems, too. Here's a very big problem that I will share with you: There is a Sock Monster that lives in the laundry. He (or she) eats socks. If I put 24 socks into the machine, sometimes only 23 come out. Sometimes only 22. I am afraid that, one day, the monster will think I'm a sock and gobble me up. Oh, no.